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I finally ran out of food and had to go shopping. I made the usual purchases for anyone low on cash--mac and cheese, etcetera...and was heading through the produce section to get to the checkout when I froze.
There was a huge pyramid of tomatoes, you see, twice as tall as me, and radiating malice. I could think of only one thing to do.
I picked up a head of iceberg lettuce, hefted it, and threw with all my might. It hit the tomatoes, causing a mass collapse of part of the pyramid, and a lot of shrieking customers.
And no more malice, either.